from carnal to spiritual
“For those who live according to the flesh (carnality) set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. To set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.
Romans 8:5-6
“But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.”
I Corinthians 2:14 NKJV
if you’ve taken the CAKE & FLOWERS course, you’ll hear me refer to something mysterious that happened to me five years ago. i’ve never fully explained or shared this, because i don’t have a name or label or even real framework for it. but i’ve found, looking back, that whatever happened to me that day, on earth or in heaven, changed everything.
you’ll hear me & josh talk (or sing) often about this, & i think it may be helpful to think of surrender, biblically, in terms of an intentional & drastic move from believer to disciple, the forsaking of all that we have & all that we are to follow Jesus with our whole hearts, & indeed, our very lives. it’s the giving up of everything, but anecdotal evidence & the Word suggest (& actually promise!) that you will gain even more. mark 10:28-30 tells us :
“Peter began to say to him, “Look, we have left everything and followed you.” Jesus said, “Truly I tell you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields, for my sake and for the sake of the good news, who will not receive a hundredfold now in this age—houses, brothers and sisters, mothers and children, and fields with persecutions—and in the age to come eternal life.”
Mark 10:28-30 NRSV
because this was a definite crisis moment for me, the eventual (not instantaneous) result of which was an unflickering love for Jesus as not only my Savior, but my true friend & heart’s delight, a new vigor & fullness of life & the Spirit, a necessity & love for Scripture as my actual daily bread, a conviction to be led by the Spirit continually, a gift of healing, & a whole-hearted preoccupation with sharing the good news, i’ve often wondered if it couldn’t be considered a baptism in the Holy Spirit, which is something i actually believe in. but i’m still uncertain, & wonder if the label even matters. i can only notice the results, & share it humbly with you in hopes that any fear of surrendering your own life completely for the Savior’s use will dissipate as you read another’s story, in the same manner that i was invited to lay down my own life through andrew murray’s writing five years ago, & have had the utmost gratitude for his example. if you are on the precipice of wholehearted discipleship yourself, may the Lord use this as just the sort of invitation you need…🤎
vision, morning of august 12, 2020 :
in prayer this morning (after reading chapters 3 & 4 of andrew murray's "absolute surrender") i had a vision…
before me was a large chasm. i understood the ground beneath my feet to be the land of carnality, & that many other Christians lived there. it had a form of godliness, even loveliness at times, but as long as i dwelt there i would never experience fullness of life, & by continuing to dwell there the (primarily spiritual) lives of my children were in danger. in order to save them i must exert myself & cross the chasm, too far to ever leap across on my own. i tried many times, but would either full-stop after a full spring right at the edge, or do a half-hearted leap right at the edge, land on the steep sides, pull myself back in a panic by grabbing hold of shrubs.
numerous times i tried to get across, each time failing. finally i asked the Lord why i couldn't get across, how i could access faith & imagination to get to the other side, to the spiritual land. "take a closer look," He said. the image of myself was a generic one. i would watch myself taking the leap, over & over, & it wasn't really me. it was actually sort of androgynous, pixilated & nondescript as in a video game, no real definition. & that person was also always leaping in the sort of way you do when you're expecting to fall in the chasm or the river below. "you must imagine yourself there, your whole self, as you are, as I've created you..." He said.
so i looked again & there i was, barefoot, black linen short-alls, liberty of london floral button-up, sleeves rolled up, top knot, bangs, butterfly bandana in my hair, earrings & make-up on. "now you must leap knowing your life & your children's lives depend on it, a fully confident leap, expecting to cross--expecting either to fly or to be caught in mid-air." then i took a running start, as strong & fast as i could, & leaped into the air, arms out...& landed a second later on the back of a giant eagle, who i knew to be Christ.
He flew me over the new land--the promised land, the land of the spirit. "oh, God, it's beautiful!" i said. "who else lives here?" i wondered.
but in that moment i was back in my sunroom. i stood up from where i'd been laying prostrate on the floor, & looked around. were my surroundings any different? did i feel different? for a moment, i think i did...i immediately went to josh & shared it, believing i'd really crossed over from death to life, from carnal to spiritual, the citizen of a new country.
i realized later in the day, after a sense of failure, that my day hadn’t felt any different than previous days, that in the vision i’d never actually landed. i’d crossed the chasm on the giant bird, but we were still flying above the new land. though i'd provisionally received citizenship, we would not land until full requirements for citizenship were met. i could see the beauty of the landscape, and a bit of its form, but it was only a blur of pastel colors and faint contour shifts. i wasn’t yet dwelling in the land.
now i am seeing : requirements for citizenship are severe. before landing, i am filling out the paperwork (counting the cost?), not to live as a visitor or permanent alien, but as a full citizen. i can’t be a dual citizen, so i understand that i must renounce my carnal citizenship to belong to the kingdom of the spirit.
entrance is free, but i have to leave all my belongings behind, trusting that everything i could ever need or even desire will be available upon arrival. all baggage stays on the giant flying bird (Jesus) where it will be dropped irretrievably into the chasm, so that upon customs entrance i may say “nothing to declare”.
i’m banking everything on Jesus being the way, the truth, and fullness of life. i leave my cultural currency behind, because only kingdom currency has any value here.
i leave all my treasures and baggage behind, my assets and my liabilities (which i find are increasingly blurred), my worldly pursuits & friendships, my right to my very self. all of this is carnal, and i realize i have been a carnal Christian rather than a spiritual one. even those talents that i’ve presumed to be assets—aesthetic priorities, cultural relevancy, a photogenic life…i leave those behind and see if they are part of the “everything i could ever need” that will be given to me when i cross the border and receive my Welcome packet. i give up all assumptions in regards to what may be of any value in the kingdom, & surrender it all for the sake of knowing Jesus, &, having counted the cost, choose to become unreservedly His, a true disciple.
“Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?”
Matthew 16:24-26
